Breaking: The large table is covered with large stones.

What, do you think this will be an all-new version of the Jumbo, refined complications, and careful tweaks and tweaks to the existing models in the lineup? If that’s what you think, ho, ho, ho, my friend, how wrong you are. As part of the Royal Oak celebrations, in its 50th year, fake Audemars Piguet released not one, not two, or even three, but four, or four, Royal Oak Offshore. . .

All three models feature rubber straps, which make the watch look a bit like a combat swimmer who unexpectedly emerges from a group of princess tiaras. One only has diamonds on the bezel (presumably the one that has to stay home and frolic with friendly woodland creatures while everyone else goes to the dance).

Of the other two strap models, one features a pavé dial with a fully diamond-set case and lugs, while the other features a Mega-Tapisserie dial set with baguette diamonds (the press release calls it “muscle” – when It’s not the first adjective or even the hundredth adjective that comes to mind when I think of baguette cut diamonds, but hey, why baguette diamonds shouldn’t aspire to be bragged). The fourth is, of course, fully set with diamonds, including the bracelet.

The movement is a striking contrast to the watch – it’s our old and new friend, the calibre 4401 flyback chronograph, first seen in the Code 11.59 collection (32mm x 6.8mm, 40 jewels running at 28,800 vph) , actually a muscular 70-hour power reserve. Maybe it’s the baguette found at the gym on arm day).

I absolutely love looking at a watch and asking, “What kind of watch does this watch want to be?” From there, in the spirit of consistency, these are pretty obvious what they are and what they aren’t, and it feels a little bit silly to write about them. Pointless – you might as well complain that Bohemian Rhapsody isn’t a plain song by Hildegard of Bingen. The problem is not the song – or in this case the watch – the problem is expecting it to not be it, in fact it is the exact opposite.

Oh sure, I could say these would make Gérald Genta spin in his grave, but the truth is that Royal Oak Offshore had him spin in his grave (or if he rented it when the grave came out, he would have 1992 was very active in 2010 and was very opposed to what he thought the AP had access to his designs). In fact, this hyperbole was part of Offshore from the start. These fake watches don’t make sense? Really, the Royal Oak Offshore doesn’t have any models either (I mean, remember Survivor and Doom? There’s no reason for these watches). Instead, when you’re actually Biff The Hedge Fund Guy (or whatever), it should make you feel like Conan the Barbarian, by the way, I’m saying this with sincerity because I’ve worn Offshores more than once and every time All had a great time. You’

Watches evolve like everything else, like life, and if available, they expand into available niches. A 130-foot Supersaurus doesn’t make any sense either, but the niche is there, and this beast has adapted to it. The same goes for offshore companies. I think these are probably best understood in terms of peacock feathers – an exaggerated, highly visible, unmistakable, and even, hahaha, muscular representation of reproductive health.

Royal Oak Offshore 43mm with diamonds: Case, 18k white gold. Movement, Caliber 4401, self-winding flyback chronograph, 32mm x 6.8mm, 40 jewels running at 28,800 vph. Interchangeable strap system with a choice of rubber or black alligator straps. Versions: some diamonds, more diamonds, even more diamonds, all diamonds.